Gratitudes – Originally writtten December 23, 2012 and never completed
As this time of year of bustle and hustle and crazy, I have had an overwhelming sense of gratitude. This is one of my hardest Christmases in my adult life. Being a mom of four can be difficult but rewarding. Now, as I am going through a divorce and becoming a single mom of 4, challenging is the word that comes to mind.
I am thankful that my soon to be ex is paying the mortgages on our home until is sells. He is also paying the utilities on the home. So, we are warm and safe until we have to move. There are so many things that can bring me down.
I am a proud woman who is not able to ask for help. I am horrible at receiving help though I am one of the first people to reach out to help others. My perspective is changed due to the change in my circumstances. One day I was upset and talked to a dear friend and said, I am the one who gives to people, I am not suppose to be getting anything. She put me in my place and told me it was a selfish way to think. That people want to do for me what I am always doing for others, that I need to be quiet and accept the love and care that I need at the moment. It was harsh, but spot on. She was right.
So, as I was loading my van with gifts from a donor, I became overwhelmed with gratitude and a change of perspective. I know that I look like I can afford to do everything for my kids. I have a nice van, I dress nicely and all of the external things. In reality, I worry about a lot of things because so many things are hard right now. A single mom, 4 girls and a part-time job. A job that I do love though I had to cut my hours to care for the kids and make even less money. I can pay for many things people do not have BUT, I do have to make choices on what will be cut or not and how I will get all the groceries I need for the kids.
As I was Saying...Or circular thinking :) 